By Coralie Raia Darsey-Malloy
Our society allows people to be totally out of touch with their feelings and everyone else's...and yet appear to be very respectable.
--Ntozae Shange
It would appear that it is becoming increasingly trendier for people to play ‘The Blame Game.’ As we listen to the news, read the papers or observe everyday people there are growing numbers who would rather blame instead of assuming responsibility for their own actions. As numbers have increased it seems that blaming has become an accepted norm and now permeates different areas of life. For example years ago there was a number of ‘waves’ that included The Inner Child Movement and The Adult Children of Alcoholics Movement. Now let me ask you…what independent, emotionally mature individual would ever want to define themselves as, “the adult CHILD” of anyone? Even after growing up with an abusive alcoholic father and an enabling mother… I would never willingly choose to label myself an ‘adult child.’ I was too busy pursing my healing journey and doing course corrections so my past would not rule my present and future. The foundation of my belief systems and the work I do as a life coach, group leader and public speaker involves…response---ability. Respond to the circumstances of life…with ability. No matter how much some try to resist the concept…we are responsible for the choices made…and there are always consequences whether the dots are connected or not.
As I am writing this my mind rapidly recalls sterling examples of the blame game. I vividly remember my reaction a few years ago when a woman sued McDonald’s because she burned herself while attempting to open the lid. What is going on within our society that a woman who spilled coffee on herself and is awarded million for her own stupidity? Then there was the man who cut off his hand due to mental illness. When he arrived at the hospital, he refused the surgeons effort to re-attach the hand. Afterwards this same individual was cognitive enough to launch a lawsuit against the doctors and the hospital. Within his righteous indignation he blamed them for not over-riding his objections and surgically re-attaching his hand. He probably would have found some reason to sue them if they had proceeded…so they were in a no win situation. Such is the dynamics of those who choose to blame…rather than change or accept responsibility for the choices made.
Oh my mental filing system just recalled another one. Here is how the blame game was used to allow a killer avoid conviction for murder, even though he openly admitted to his guilt. Why? His cocaine addiction was used as a defense. In his defense the lawyer pleaded the case and claimed his client was too “high” to be held accountable for his actions. So that is a great message! Choose to use your right of free will…kill someone and then blame the drugs rather than yourself for the outcome. What message is this sending out to our young people? It is positively alarming to think that they are being shown that it is possible to get away things…if they learn how to play the blame game correctly.
In a trip through the United States we were chatting with a number of people who expressed growing concern about the number of frivolous law suits being launched without much provocation. Now I am not saying that lawsuits do not have their place…often they are a way of creating accountability. However, some Americans shared that they think suing people has become a national pass time with the comment; “I will sue you,” being almost as common as; “Have a nice day.” From my perspective there are numerous small and large demonstrations of whining, immaturity from those who lack the awareness, the ability or the inclination to become accountable for their actions and reactions. Within a growing complacency it appears that it easier to pass the buck and blame parents, school systems, governments, religion, the medical model, terrorism…or a myriad of other outside sources rather doing something to incite change. God forbid that people would sit down and ask themselves, “What part did I play in this? Am I part of the solution…or part of the problem? "What is the message here, could I learn something about myself …maybe I could respond differently…or choose something different?
On a larger scale the global need to bring goods to consumers in the fastest way possible led to numerous catastrophes without any concern for the consequences. In the mid sixties, the first major oil spill happened in England. The companies “blamed” the weather and proceeded to make larger super tankers to transport more oil across the oceans. In 1989 a drunken captain made a tactical error in judgment and over 100,000 birds and wildlife died as a result of the Exxon Valdez. Has anything changed…not much? Even through the spills may not be to the same degree when it happens the results are just as deadly. Is anyone really holding these companies accountable? What will it take for consumers and companies alike to truly accept that their actions…and results.
Speaking about short term thinking and the long range effects…how about the decision made by Provincial and Federal Governments in Canada? An accord was signed late in the eighties to reduce emissions caused by fossil fuels. Instead of enforcing this accord, the government decided to allow the large conglomerates to initiate their own changes. Talk about foxes tending the hen house. The only changes the corporations initiated were a few letters of intent without follow-through. Consequently, there have been increases in the amount of fossil fuels Canada is producing. New oil fields are being developed, drilled and mined. There are plans for a dramatic increase in the overall production of fossil fuels in the next twenty-five years. Scientists have estimated that this lack of accountability has increased the amount of emissions since the signing of the accord. Why? They cannot afford to change fossil fuel production because it would affect our economy adversely. However…there are many options available and multi-billionaire Richard Branson of Virgin airlines is actively developing clean fuel to run his planes. He is a groundbreaking possibility thinker who is committed to walking his talk about environmental concerns and global warming. He has made his fortune without the customary blame, excuses, and denial that many claim as their reason for pursuing the almighty dollar and mortgaging the health of our planet.
Finally, I also am troubled by how the media uses its advertising dollars and spin machines to foster a belief system that favors irresponsible behavior. It continually sensationalizes the shadow side of stories and fear-based thinking. Of course…why not amplify the power of youth gangs and attach importance to their power? Wouldn't it make more sense to give our impressionable young people a more desirable choice? Establishing more youth centers and mentors for them could help them build an alternative sense of belonging. It portrays their power and re-enforces fear. Why not bombard the senses with all that is wrong in the world without offering any respite or suggestions for change? It is just the kind of thing that immobilizes people and prevents them from taking action. Media coverage often creates a perception that changes cannot occur and things are in a hopeless helpless downspin of negativity. Many viewer complain that the good, positive and problem solving stories do not hold viewer’s attention…so with that in mind they are not about to change the lens…why would they? What happened to the idea that each of us needs to assume responsibility for our own attitude and actions?
I write about ‘perspectives. ' I cannot help but question what it will it take for people to demand that individuals, politicians and major companies stop blaming and become accountable? The prophetic word of Alexander Solzhenitsyn resonates with a call to every human being as we move towards through this millennium; “The salvation of humankind lies only in making EVERYTHING the concern of all.” I could not agree more…how about you…do you have a perspective you’d like to share?
Our society allows people to be totally out of touch with their feelings and everyone else's...and yet appear to be very respectable.
--Ntozae Shange
It would appear that it is becoming increasingly trendier for people to play ‘The Blame Game.’ As we listen to the news, read the papers or observe everyday people there are growing numbers who would rather blame instead of assuming responsibility for their own actions. As numbers have increased it seems that blaming has become an accepted norm and now permeates different areas of life. For example years ago there was a number of ‘waves’ that included The Inner Child Movement and The Adult Children of Alcoholics Movement. Now let me ask you…what independent, emotionally mature individual would ever want to define themselves as, “the adult CHILD” of anyone? Even after growing up with an abusive alcoholic father and an enabling mother… I would never willingly choose to label myself an ‘adult child.’ I was too busy pursing my healing journey and doing course corrections so my past would not rule my present and future. The foundation of my belief systems and the work I do as a life coach, group leader and public speaker involves…response---ability. Respond to the circumstances of life…with ability. No matter how much some try to resist the concept…we are responsible for the choices made…and there are always consequences whether the dots are connected or not.
As I am writing this my mind rapidly recalls sterling examples of the blame game. I vividly remember my reaction a few years ago when a woman sued McDonald’s because she burned herself while attempting to open the lid. What is going on within our society that a woman who spilled coffee on herself and is awarded million for her own stupidity? Then there was the man who cut off his hand due to mental illness. When he arrived at the hospital, he refused the surgeons effort to re-attach the hand. Afterwards this same individual was cognitive enough to launch a lawsuit against the doctors and the hospital. Within his righteous indignation he blamed them for not over-riding his objections and surgically re-attaching his hand. He probably would have found some reason to sue them if they had proceeded…so they were in a no win situation. Such is the dynamics of those who choose to blame…rather than change or accept responsibility for the choices made.
Oh my mental filing system just recalled another one. Here is how the blame game was used to allow a killer avoid conviction for murder, even though he openly admitted to his guilt. Why? His cocaine addiction was used as a defense. In his defense the lawyer pleaded the case and claimed his client was too “high” to be held accountable for his actions. So that is a great message! Choose to use your right of free will…kill someone and then blame the drugs rather than yourself for the outcome. What message is this sending out to our young people? It is positively alarming to think that they are being shown that it is possible to get away things…if they learn how to play the blame game correctly.
In a trip through the United States we were chatting with a number of people who expressed growing concern about the number of frivolous law suits being launched without much provocation. Now I am not saying that lawsuits do not have their place…often they are a way of creating accountability. However, some Americans shared that they think suing people has become a national pass time with the comment; “I will sue you,” being almost as common as; “Have a nice day.” From my perspective there are numerous small and large demonstrations of whining, immaturity from those who lack the awareness, the ability or the inclination to become accountable for their actions and reactions. Within a growing complacency it appears that it easier to pass the buck and blame parents, school systems, governments, religion, the medical model, terrorism…or a myriad of other outside sources rather doing something to incite change. God forbid that people would sit down and ask themselves, “What part did I play in this? Am I part of the solution…or part of the problem? "What is the message here, could I learn something about myself …maybe I could respond differently…or choose something different?
On a larger scale the global need to bring goods to consumers in the fastest way possible led to numerous catastrophes without any concern for the consequences. In the mid sixties, the first major oil spill happened in England. The companies “blamed” the weather and proceeded to make larger super tankers to transport more oil across the oceans. In 1989 a drunken captain made a tactical error in judgment and over 100,000 birds and wildlife died as a result of the Exxon Valdez. Has anything changed…not much? Even through the spills may not be to the same degree when it happens the results are just as deadly. Is anyone really holding these companies accountable? What will it take for consumers and companies alike to truly accept that their actions…and results.
Speaking about short term thinking and the long range effects…how about the decision made by Provincial and Federal Governments in Canada? An accord was signed late in the eighties to reduce emissions caused by fossil fuels. Instead of enforcing this accord, the government decided to allow the large conglomerates to initiate their own changes. Talk about foxes tending the hen house. The only changes the corporations initiated were a few letters of intent without follow-through. Consequently, there have been increases in the amount of fossil fuels Canada is producing. New oil fields are being developed, drilled and mined. There are plans for a dramatic increase in the overall production of fossil fuels in the next twenty-five years. Scientists have estimated that this lack of accountability has increased the amount of emissions since the signing of the accord. Why? They cannot afford to change fossil fuel production because it would affect our economy adversely. However…there are many options available and multi-billionaire Richard Branson of Virgin airlines is actively developing clean fuel to run his planes. He is a groundbreaking possibility thinker who is committed to walking his talk about environmental concerns and global warming. He has made his fortune without the customary blame, excuses, and denial that many claim as their reason for pursuing the almighty dollar and mortgaging the health of our planet.
Finally, I also am troubled by how the media uses its advertising dollars and spin machines to foster a belief system that favors irresponsible behavior. It continually sensationalizes the shadow side of stories and fear-based thinking. Of course…why not amplify the power of youth gangs and attach importance to their power? Wouldn't it make more sense to give our impressionable young people a more desirable choice? Establishing more youth centers and mentors for them could help them build an alternative sense of belonging. It portrays their power and re-enforces fear. Why not bombard the senses with all that is wrong in the world without offering any respite or suggestions for change? It is just the kind of thing that immobilizes people and prevents them from taking action. Media coverage often creates a perception that changes cannot occur and things are in a hopeless helpless downspin of negativity. Many viewer complain that the good, positive and problem solving stories do not hold viewer’s attention…so with that in mind they are not about to change the lens…why would they? What happened to the idea that each of us needs to assume responsibility for our own attitude and actions?
I write about ‘perspectives. ' I cannot help but question what it will it take for people to demand that individuals, politicians and major companies stop blaming and become accountable? The prophetic word of Alexander Solzhenitsyn resonates with a call to every human being as we move towards through this millennium; “The salvation of humankind lies only in making EVERYTHING the concern of all.” I could not agree more…how about you…do you have a perspective you’d like to share?
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