SUICIDE AND HOW EACH ONE AFFECTS THE ONE-SONG OF HUMANITY

By Coralie Raia Darsey-Malloy

Is death the final sleep?
No, it is the final awakening.

---Scott

For those who do not already now I am an avid and active member of the discussion forum Mylot. I value my connection with the many like-minded others I have discovered there… and truly feel blessed to have been so warmly welcomed by everyone since joining Mylot Land in May of 2007.

Becoming a member of Mylot truly reveled to me how true the statement that every person is a unique chord in the One Song of our humanity. When they leave, especially through an act of suicide…our Song suddenly feels flat and out of tune. That was the effect that the sudden departure of a personal friend and valued Mylot member. Tammy Moir was the gal who encouraged me to become a Mylotter. I resisted for two months…then one day after sharing some gal pal time over lunch she convinced me to log and join…and I did with some reservation. Without any previous experience with on-line discussion forums I could not conceive why anyone would want to talk to people they don't know. Well…was my mind changed in a hurry! I quickly began posting discussions and visiting member’s sites and responding there. In n time at all I made new friends, learned about lifestyles, cultures, religious/spiritual beliefs and developing meaningful connections. Within a few short days my 'lens on life' opened to reveal a panoramic view of the people behind their monitors. I saw see with even greater clarity than before; that within our humanity we truly are connected as unique chords within this One Song we call life.

My Mylotting experiences were going well. I was having a great time and feeling grateful that Tams had nudged me to the point that I agreed to becoming a member of Mylot. She and her hubby were hit with a number of personal and financial setbacks but to the best of every one’s understanding they were making progress. She kept the Mylot community informed about her ups and downs and it appeared that they were holding their own and starting to gain some ground.

Then the unthinkable occurred! After sharing our morning coffee and relaxing on an ordinary day in mid-August…a mutual friend called David and asked if we were sitting down. After saying yes she proceeded to announce that that Rob’s mom had found a suicide note at Tammy and Rob's back door with instructions where to find them. To all our shock and dismay Rob's Mom discovered their bodies in the garage. They had used the exhaust from a vehicle to take their own lives.

It is one of those moments in life where disbelief rocks reality and everything is suddenly out of focus in a surreal way. Two middle aged people had chosen to leave the life they shared with friends; family and their whole community and no one saw it coming. When I posted news of their passing I did not say it was suicide and would not have…if Tammy had not let others within her on-line community by posting her intention to them. Once I knew she was fine with others knowing I felt it would not breach their trust…or privacy to honor their lives and their passing in open dialog rather than leaving in shrouded in mystery and uncertainly. In my association with Tammy and her husband they had felt emotionally isolated and misunderstood for awhile. Obviously their choice to end their lives came was predicated on a belief that there were no other options available.

In the two weeks after their death an prior to the funeral people in our community struggled to match our beliefs that as long as their is a breath there is hope with the finality of their passing. When we David and I attended their service we found it disillusioning. Had Tammy and Rob not written their own eulogies and had had his brother read them there would have been no mention of their lives, who they touched, what they loved…what mattered…and what made us love them. The minister did not acknowledge them as people but chose to deliver a lengthy sermon in veiled disapproval. He used their memorial service as an opportunity to 'guilt' attendees who were not converted and strongly recommended everyone to accept Jesus as a personal Savior rather than risk going to hell. then it was over.

As David and I left the funeral home we touched their coffins, and gently put our hands on a large picture of Tammy and Rob smiling. We took a few moments to view a small digital show within a picture frame showing them in happier times and said our silent good-byes to them and the bond we had. As we walked out to an appropriately cloudy day we hugged their family members and offered our sincere condolences and headed to our car. While on the drive to a fellowship gathering after the burial we chatted about the service and the impact it had on us.

Now as many of you have probably gathered on and off line discussions and those who know David and me in person…we have a spiritual framework…but not a religious one for a variety of reasons I will not go into here. However, the idea of suicide does give most of us reason to pause…at least that is the general feeling of those who know the truth of their circumstances. The pastor said they were ‘wrong’ to do what they did…but would still be welcomed into the family of God…because they had been ‘born again.’ He also said that ANYONE, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE will also be welcomed ‘home’ if they have converted to Christian belief and accepted Jesus as their personal savior. The incongruousness within his mixed messages are there for others to interpret.

For now I simply felt the need to remind anyone who reads this…that at any point along our soul path there are some key points to consider. In my view this fits throughout life or within the transitional process of what we call death. Throughout this journey we are given free will…within a relationship with God…or for atheists and agnostic…as a basic human right. So how we choose to live or and die is …in affected by the choices we make. Now that leads to the next aspect of choice…there are consequences to everything we think, say and do and once that is accepted and understood it becomes easier to live an self-accountable ways.

So where does that leave us when applying basic life laws to the question of suicide? I am still working on it…because whatever we decide…it is, in the end only conjecture. Let’s be real here… no one can truly say they ‘know’ for sure what happens after death…or by the act of snuffing our lives out. This statement is in no way meant to challenge anyone’s faith based beliefs. Growing up my consciousness was immersed in theological studies. My family belonged to Anglican and United churches and we lived in a predominantly Catholic community. So I can banter scripture around with the best of them…and absolutely ‘get’ that the ‘knowing’ comes from faith based beliefs…so we don’t need to go there. I understand those views…and honor anyone’s right to embrace them.

However faith…is still that…we hope and want to believe what we think is true. But a minister at one of the churches I attended put it into perspective for me when he said; "I choose to believe this way because it supports me through life. Others need to decide what works for them. If the way I think about the afterlife is true it will be wonderful. If there is nothing beyond this…it won’t matter because I won't know anything!" From my perspective…these are very wise words, from a loving, caring, honoring and very religious man.

So needless to say my ‘thinker’ worked overtime after Tam and Rob exercised their choice-making to end their lives . I keep mulling around their right of free will in relation to the consequence of choice. What I offer here is how David and I decided to honor their lives...and their death in a way that gives closure for us. One thing is for sure we will never judge their actions…because within our spiritual framework it is not our place to judge another’s soul path. Secondly we loved them…and love does not die because people do things we may not understand or agree with. So we will honor their lives…and the special times we shared.

All four of us all love wolves and we added to each other's collectible. Sometimes in quiet moments I envision them as free spirits running with the wolves, Unfettered and unencumbered from earthly struggles until they are given understanding about where they go from here…and there. Within our circle of friends on-line and off it appears that most have arrived at a similar place of honor. It seems that many believe that the Source we are a part of will understand that their suffering was too much to bear and they had a greater need to drift ‘home’ and find the love and light they were not feeling here.

Having said that I cannot help but question what sort of ‘consequence’ there might be for not completing their life lessons and discarding the gift that life actually is. Does either David or I think they will be condemned to burn in hell? Absolutely not! Our view of Source is…love and light...and within that embrace there is no condemnation. However, the call to accountability…hmmmm that poses another side to the question for me. I see us as spiritual beings that go through human experiences and energy is neither created nor destroyed but it does transcend. We also believe in the theory of reincarnation…but that will come in another blog. Do not want to veer off here.

Anyway as I begin to wind down this post…David and I choose to believe Tammy and Rob will have a lot of spiritual support from loved ones, teachers, masters and healers on the other side. It is my view that they will help them assess, understand and integrate the choices they made. They will undoubtedly need assistance in helping them forgive others and themselves for suffering all experienced through this tragic event.

In the note Tammy left to her on-line friend she admitted to crying all day while preparing their eulogies and writing goodbye notes. She was fully aware that many would be hurt by their decision to leave the way they did. Ironically, wisdom, understanding and spiritual insight often comes more quickly through errors in judgment…than through the ones we get right the first time.

So within our belief system and the theory of reincarnation life continues from here to infinity. With this view there is plenty of time to transform our past transgressions and learn the lessons we need to grow our soul and move on. I believe their ‘consequences’ will eventually give Tammy and Rob much needed insight, emotional maturity and spiritual enlightenment. If and when they do come back to this plane again or go forward to other levels beyond this one…they will have learned much…and therefore nothing will have been in vain.

In my view death is always an opportunity for growth and I posted a perspective on that as well. Our friends touched many lives in a variety of ways…and each of us can take something from both the way they lived their lives and how they died. That was evident by the outpouring of care and compassion from Mylotters who had never had any contact with Tammy on her site. Those responses reminded me again…that we truly are part of a greater energetic One Song and very person has a beautiful chord and a unique imprint.

Whenever any chord is extinguished for any reason…but especially by choice…we weep and grieve. Their departure leaves the orchestra without valued players. There is an unspoken understanding that no one will ever replace them and the music stops for awhile. Then, as we slowly begin to accept and integrate the loss we eventually pick ourselves up and do our best to re-calibrate. Through time everyone eventually finds new ways to sing new songs of life and celebrate the beauty within our interconnectedness.

As I was preparing to post this blog someone forwarded me a link to a very inspirational site and I have included here. While watching it I was moved to tears because it confirmed much of what I had just written. Within what I call a ‘God Whispering’ moment. The synergy of finishing up my closing comments on Tammy and Rob's leaving and the loving message within the Interview With God site was very affirming. It was as though Spirit gently whispered... Tammy and Rob are in a safe, loving place…and all is well in their world…and ours.

I breathed a deep sigh of relief and had a sense of gratitude for answered prayers. If you choose to you watch this I hope you do so with my deepest gratitude...and especially the many Mylot members who added their sincere condolences and healing energetic support to David and I, Tammy and Rob and their families. Many of you did not know us prior to this event...but felt loss within our One Song. The link below is a wonderful affirmation of this truism and I hope you enjoy it as much as we do.