You cannot find yourself until you face the truth.
--Pearl Baily
This concept is something that has become central to how I endeavor to live. I began a spiritual quest to discover my own truth after growing up in
a family where nothing was ever as it appeared. My father's alcoholism
and my mother's enabling created a quagmire of inconsistencies within
our family's inner and outer worlds. Within the seeming 'dysfunction'
of my earlier years I have learned that it was a gift...because it set
me on a path of discovery that would not have been possible without our
'shrouded' family dynamics.
My father abused me sexually, mentally and emotionally to the point that my innate sense of self
became extremely distorted and I began looking for love, acceptance and
approval from outside sources. I developed the compulsive coping
patterns anorexia and bulimia...and abused myself the way my father
abused me. It took years of searching and questioning before I slowly
began to understand that looking for answers and acceptance through
parents, friends, authorities, organized religions, the medical model,
the fashion industry, image-management..only to discover nothing
outside us will ever fulfill inner needs.
My first epiphany among many other light-bulb moments came when I had starved my body
down to 89 pounds. I thought being skinny would bring all that I was
yearning for...but it did not. The truth of my skewed perception was a
hard thing to accept. My fantasy about thin-ness translating into inner
peace turned out to by a myth...because everything else in my life
remained the same. Family problems remained, lack of intimacy remained,
my life was still unbalanced and off-track. It has a hard reality to
accept. But I was living a lie...I'd believed to be true. What a
turning point that was!
From that milestone moment I decided to change my beliefs...and change my life. I was able to overcome two
eating disorders and years of laxative abuse by deciding my life wishes
were stronger than my death wishes. From there a commitment developed
to live an authentic life and create congruency between my inner and
outer worlds..and it remains today. I know from personal and
professional experience that no one will achieve complete fulfillment
until they accept who they are from the inside...rather than allowing
others to define them from the outside. The process to becoming 'all
that we are' is achieved through conscious living, and contemplative
self-awareness.
Awareness is very curative and the foundation for all change and discovery, Learning to let go is the method that
eventually leads to an expanded sense of self. In the material David
and I present we suggest that anyone or anything that attempts to force
an ideology or dogma on another will eventually lead to an inauthentic
lifestyle In the most basic terms our view of spirituality is...a
matter of self-discovery..rather than of becoming something...or
someone other than you are.
Internal conflicts frequently leads to alienation with others and whatever interpretation we put on our
association with Source. How can we ever expect there to be peace in
the world if we, its inhabitants lack inner peace? A lack of harmony
within our inner and outer worlds...cannot help but be projected
outward to a perception of "us" versus"them?" The divisiveness within a
confused sense of self fosters judgments of others. "We" are
right...and "they' are wrong..our religion, political beliefs, health
models are the 'right' and only way...and all else is inferior.
Comparison always leads to discontent, confusion and...of course more
judgement.
To truly live an authentic life we need to learn how to release self-deception. That involves complete honest with ourselves
and the rest of the world. This level of integrity requires
conscientious attention, emotional maturity, self-accountability,
responsibility for the cause and effect of our choices, self-knowledge,
a willingness to change and an ability to be discerning and practice
sincere internal scrutiny. A classic Buddhist question puts it this
way: "Who were you and what did you look like before your parents were
born?" Looking at ourselves without form...and as a spiritual being
within a body it becomes easier to accept that...at the heart of you,
me, every single person, and all the creatures great and small there is
a pure light of love. That inner radiance reflects our essential nature
is the larger truth of who we are...sparks of Divinity that are given
life and a chance to celebrate our uniqueness in inwardly directed and
authentic ways in this journey called life.
This innate luminosity is our essential Self..and as has been said before...God/Goddess
does not create junk. Accepting that opens the door for anyone to live
their best life...on their own terms. Because we are, from my
perspective bright sources of energy...going through our various human
experiences. Wouldn't we have a lovely world is we could celebrate who
we are...and everyone else within the Onesong of our humanity?
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